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BALLADS 

OF 

COSTER-LAND. 


*  BY 

G.  FAUVEL  GOURAUD. 


New  Yoffc: 

Eterald  Square  Publishingf  G>* 

J897. 


Copyright, 
M  •  D  •  CCC  •  XC  •  VII,  " 

BY 

Herald  Square  Publishing  Company. 


PR 

60/3 


Tiiis  book  is  dedicated 

by  the  Author 

«To  his  best  Pal,- 

(CoL  Gouraud,) 

''The  Gtjv^nef.'' 


•# 


PREFACE. 


So  many  of  my  friends,  who  have  heard 
me  recite  some  of  the  verses  contained  in 
this  collection,  have  asked  why  I  did  not 
publish  them  in  book  form,  that  I  have 
at  last  decided  to  do  so. 

For  the  benefit  and  information  of  those 
readers  who  do  not  know  what  a  coster- 
monger  is,  a  few  words  in  explanation 
seem  not  to  be  amiss. 

The  costermonger  is  a  sort  of  "hawker" 
or  **  peddler."  He  is  seen  in  the  suburbs 
of  London  and  in  the  East  End,  selling 
flowers,  fruit,  etc.  Thfe  donkey  is,  of 
course,  a  necessary  adjunct  to  his  outfit. 

II 


12  preface. 

His  characteristics  and  eccentricities 
are  such  as  to  almost  constitute  a  dis- 
tinctive species  of  the  human  race.  He 
is  unique  in  his  language  and  his  dress. 
The  women  also  have  a  peculiar  style 
of  their  own,  especially  as  to  headgear. 
Usually  it  is  a  large  cloth  hat  with  huge 
ostrich-feathers,  of  all  colors,  which  have 
been  given  to  them  by  sailors. 

Mr.  Albert  Chevalier  has  done  much 
to  make  this  character  both  familiar  to, 
and  a  favorite  with,  the  public  in  this 
country. 

G.  F.  G. 


CONTENTS. 


PAGE 

1.  'Ow  Bill  'e  got  the  Chuck  ....  15 

2.  The  Fairy  of  Niagara 20 

3.  The  Nipper  and  the  Cigar-stump.    .  23 

4.  The  Little  Nipper  an'  'is  Ma  ...  27 

5.  Tommy's   Last  Hours,  or  His  Reply 

TO  THE  Prison  Chaplain     ....  31 

6.  The  Nipper  and  the  Two  Torfs    .     .  36 

7.  La  Loie  Fuller 39 

8.  The  Nipper's  Spoof 44 

9.  'AwKiNS  IN  New  York 49 

Part  L  'Awkins  at  the  Waldorf  and 

on  the  Bowery  .....  53 

IL  'Awkins  in  Chinatown   ...  63 

IIL  'Awkins  and  the  Bowery  Girl  71 

IV.  'Awkins  at  the  Opera     ...  81 

Vocabulary 93 

13 


«ik 


NOTE. 

The  author  begs  to  say  that  the  following 
pieces  are  based  upon  stories  told  by  Albert 
Chevalier  and  others,  but  for  the  first  time 
written  in  verse: 

"  The  Nipper  and  'is  Ma. 

"The  Nipper  and  the  Cigar-stump." 

"  The  Nipper  and  the  Two  Torfs." 

"  'Ow  Bill  'e  got  the  Chuck." 

"  Tommy's  Last  Hours." 


**  '©w  JStll,  'e  Qot  tbe  Cbucft." 

"I'LL  tell  yer  *ow  it  was,  Sal, 
'Ow  Bill,  'e  got  the  chuck 
From  out  Sinte  Paul's  Cathedral  ; 
'E  never  'ad  no  luck." 

"  Me  an'  'im  went  out  awarkin' 

I  showin'  'im  the  sights — 

'Im  as  never  left  the  Boro' 

Not  even  Sunday  nights. 

We  went  along  through  Luggit, 

An'  was  parsin'  by  the  church, 

Wen  Bill  'e  stopped  a  sudding 
15 


16"      «'®w  3iSUI»  'e  flot  tbe  CbucV 

Looked  round  an'  give  a  lurch. 

An'  said  ter  me  surprised-like,  "^ 

*  Wot's  that  buildin'  ? '  ter  me  says  Bill. 

*  Dunno  Sinte  Paul's  ! '  I  arnserd, 

*  Sich  ignerence  mikes  me  ill.' 

*  Wot's  Sinte  Paul's  ? '  ter  me  says  Billy. 

*  It's  a  church,*  ter  'im  I  cries  ; 

*  A  plice  w'ere  people  wuships, 

*  An*  culled  Gawd's  'ouse  o'  prise.' 

*  Lor  strike  me  pink  ! '  says  Billy, 

*  It's  a  plice  I  wants  ter  see  • 
I'm  goin'  ter  circumspect  it 
So  come  along  o'  me.' 

'  Garn,'  sez  I  ter  Billy, 

*  Let's  come  an'  'ave  a  wet.' 
But  wot's  the  good  o'  argyin' 
Wen  onct  Bill's  'eart  is  set  ? 
So  off  Bill  goes  atrottin' 

Up  them  cathedral  steps. 


T     "'©w  asill,  *c  got  tbe  Cbuch."       17 


An'  off  I  goes  a  'oppin' 
An'  'as  severeal  wets." 

"  I  'ad  three  pots  o'  'arf  an'  'arf, 
Took  a  puff  from  out  me  pipe, 
Went  out  inter  the  street  agin; 
Gawd  love  me,  wot  a  sight ! 
There  was  Bill  a-sprawlin', 
An'  tumblin'  on  the  ground  ; 
'Is  langwidge  it  were  orful, 
*Twas  'eard  fer  miles  around. 
Sez  I,  '  Wot's  up,  me  codger  ? 
Wot  *ave  yer  been  an'  done  ?  * 

*  W'y  nofin','  arnswers  Billy, 
'But  'ad  a  bit  o'  fun." 

"  *  I  went  into  the  church,*  says  Bill, 

*  An'  sees  a  lot  o'  blokes. 
Some  standin'  up  in  boxes 


^  ^ 


jP- 


1 8     "'©w  asm, 'e  fiot  tbc  Cbucft/* 

Like  them  we  'as  fer  mokes. 
I  sees  a  bloomin'  parthway 
W'ich  leads  the  hull  way  down 
To  a  torf  as  was  a-standin', 
Togged  out  in  a  long  w'ite  gown 
Jist  like  a  bloomin'  nightshirt. 
Lor'  lumme,  did  I  ever 
See  a  sight  to  beat  it. 
No,  'Arry,  swelp  me,  never !' " 

"  '  As  no  one  took  no  notis, 
1  strolled  around  a  bit, 
Then  up  the  bloomin'  parthway , 
Blow  me,  thought  I'd  'ave  a  fit. 
An'  as  I  neared  'is  Nightshirts, 
'E  looked  up  from  off  'is  book 
An'  said,  "  Good  Gawd,  *ave  mercy, 
Else  our  souls  will  be  forsook  !  " 
Then  ups  I,  an'  sez  :  "  Guv'ner 


"'©w  3BtlI,  'e  flot  tbc  Cbucft."       19 

'Ere,  wot's  the  bloomin*  row  ? 
Ain't  yer  never  seen  a  coster  ? 
Well,  yer  sees  a  smart  'un  now." 
Well,  that  there  fairly  knocks  'im. 
'Is  Nightshirts  calls  a  bloke, 
An'  between  'em,  ups  an'  outs  me, 
An'  'ere  I  am  all  broke.' 

"  Say,  Sal,  yer  should  a  seen  'im  : 
'Is  does  tore  orf  'is  back, 
'Is  peepers  shut,  'is  boko  bent, 
An'  in  'is  skull  a  crack. 
An'  now  'e  is  a  cripple. 
An'  swears  no  more  'e'll  do 
A  church  or  a  cathedral. 
Strike  'im  everlarstin'  blue." 


Ube  3f  airp  o'  "Kiaoara, 

"  gAY,  Bill,  did  I  ever  tell  yex," 
Said  'Enery  'Awkins,  M.P., 

"  About  that  little  fairy, 
The  neatest  yer  ever  see  ? 
It  was  w'en  I  were  Attachy 
An'  guide  ter  'Is  Peacocks  Li, 
At  the  great  Falls  o'  Niagara, 
All  arunnin'  ter  the  sea." 

"Naw,  yer  didn't,"  said  Buffles,  Esquire; 
"  But  I'm  willin'  fer  ter  'ear 
Of  'er  yer  little  fairy. 


tEbc  yalrg  o'  fliaflara.  21 

Of  'er  yer  little  dear." 
"  Well,  I  will  tell  yer,  Billy," 
Said  'Enery  *Awkins,  M.P., 
At  the  great  Falls  o'  Niagara, 
Along  o'  Peacocks  Li. 

"  She  were  the  neatest  donah, 
O'  flashin'  gold  'er  'air, 
'Er  eyes  like  stars  in  *eavin, 
She  were  a  treat  fer  fair. 
*Er  winnin'  little  ways.  Bill, 
'Twas  lovely  fer  ter  see, 
W*en  I  were  at  Niagara, 
Along  o'  Peacocks  hi." 

"  Naw,  I  couldn't  do  'er  justice; 
There  ain't  no  words  ter  use 
As  would  give  yer  a  descripshun. 
But  yer'ld  'arf  the  pictshur  lose; 
She  were  a  little  haingel 


22  Zbe  jfaitfi  o'  IRiasara. 

The  fust  I  ever  see, 

An'  the  great  Falls  o'  Niagara 

Kept  arunnin'  ter  the  sea/' 

"  Now,  Billy,"  said  'Enery  'Awkins, 
"  Jis*  maike  up  yer  bloomin'  mind. 
An'  taike  the  fairest  products 
On  earth  as  yer  can  find, 
An'  taike  them  all  together, 
There's  none  as  fair  as  she. 
That  Fairy  o'  Niag'ra 
A  reg'ler  haingel  she." 


% 


Ube  laipper  an&  tbe  Cigar*5tump. 

"\A7E  *ave  a  little  nipper, 

A  favrit  down  our  way, 
Went  out  ter  do  the  Boro' 
One  Sattidy  night  larst  May 
'E  was  feelin*  kind  o'  lonesome, 
Gizin'  serious  all  around, 
An'  'e  were  on'y  ten  year  old 
An'  four  foot  from  the  ground. 

All  at  onct  'e  stopped  asudding, 

Put  'is  'and  up  ter  'is  brow, 

Said,  "  Me  nerves  is  out  of  order  ; 
23 


#• 


24  (Tbe  Dfppet  and  tbe  Gt^arssstump. 

I  wonder  wot's  the  row. 

I've  been  suffrin*  somethin'  orful, 

An'  me  'ead  is  spinnin'  round," 

Said  this  kid  as  were  but  ten  year  old 

An'  four  foot  from  the  ground. 

'E  stopped  an'  thought  a  minute, 
Said,  "  'Ere's  a  rummy  joke ! 
W'y,  since  I  seen  me  doctor 
I  'aven't  'ad  a  smoke. 
An'  me  who's  fond  o'  baccy 
Every  week  I  smokes  a  pound," 
Said  this  kid  as  were  but  ten  year  old 
An'  four  foot  from  the  ground. 

Jist  then  a  torf  come  parsin'  by, 
Gorblimy,  wot  a  terror 
As  'e  parsed  'e  dropped  'is  twofer — 
A  treat,  no  bloomin'  error. 


JLbc  flipper  and  tbe  Cigac^etump.   25 

'» 

The  nipper  pounced  upon  it 

As  it  lay  there  on  the  ground, 

An'  'e  were  on'y  ten  year  old  ^ 

An'  four  foot  from  the  ground. 

Said  the  nipper  as  *e  held  it, 
"  It  smokes  better  w'en  it's  lit. 
An'  as  I  'aven't  got  no  match 
I  shall  'ave  ter  arsk  far  it." 
So  'e  trots  inter  a  'bacconist. 
Not  dreamin*  ter  be  downed, 
Fer  'e  were  on'y  ten  year  old 
An*  four  foot  from  the  ground. 

Says  the  bloke  be'ind  the  counter, 
*'  We  gives  no  lights  away." 
**  Give  over,"  says  the  nipper 
"  I'm  willin'  fer  ter  pay," 

So  'e  outs  *is  on'y  copper, — 


26   ^be  mfpper  an&  tbe  Cigar sstump. 

Like  a  man  'e  stood  'is  ground, 
An'  'e  were  on'y  ten  year  old 
An'  four  foot  from  the  ground. 

Said  the  nipper,  **  'Ere,  me  codger," 
As  'e  puffed  'is  twofer  stump, 
"  W'en  a  genelman  arsks  yer  fer  a  light 
.  'P'  Don't  get  the  bloomin*  'ujnp. 
But  jist  yer  give  'im  one  o'  mine 
An'  not  a  shabby  throw-down," 
Said  this  kid  as  were  but  ten  year  old 
An'  four  foot  from  the  ground. 


V. 


Ube  Xfttle  "ttipper  an'  'is  flDa* 

*'  Y^^  know  me  little  nipper," 
Said  'Enery  'Awkins,  M.  P. 
Well,  'e's  a  little  champion, 
An'  tikes  on  arfter  me. 
Larst  Sunday  me  an'  the  missus 
Went  out  ter  a  little  walk — 
I  should  say  the  nipper  took  us, 
Yer  should  o'  'eard  'im  tork! 

**  We  went  along  through  Tyburn, 
An'  then  by  'Endon  way, 

Were  I  ust  ter  do  me  courtin' 

27  / 


28     Ube  Xtttlc  Wpvct  an'  'is  flba. 

In  those  sweet  nights  o*  May. 
We'd  been  walkin'  out  an  'our, 
W'en  Sal  she  sez  ter  me, 
*  *Ere,  'Arry,  is  yer  gime,  dear, 
Fer  shrimps  an'  a  cup  o'  tea.' 

"  'Garn,"  sez  I  ter  Sally, 
"  •  I'm  in  fer  'arf  an'  'arf.' 

Lor  lumme,  yer  should  jist  o*  'eard 

My  little  Sally  larf! 

'  O'  course,'  she  sez,  '  I  likes  me  nip 

O'  gin  an'  glarss  o'  beer, 

But  did  not  like  ter  say  it  out 

Before  the  nipper  'ere.' " 

"  The  nipper  'e  wam't  lookin* 
As  we  neared  the  Brokers'  Arms; 
An'  in  we  'ops  ter  get  a  wet, 
Not  dreamin'  any  'arm. 


^be  Xittle  Tlippec  an'  Ma  Aa.     29 

But  the  nipper  'e  were  cagy, 
An'  follered  in  the  rear, 
An*  'ears  me  give  me  order : 
*  'Ere,  miss,  two  pots  o*  beer. 

"  An'  we'n  I  gives  me  order, 
I  turns  ter  speak  ter  Sal, 
Ter  arsk  if  she  remembered 
The  day  she  was  me  gal. 
I  felt  some  one  atuggin' 
An'  pullin  at  me  back; 
I  looks  around  surprised-like, 
An*  sees  that  rascal  Jack. 

"  Sez  I,  '  See  'ere,  me  nipper, 
I  wont  'ave  yer  'angin'  'ere.' 
Sez  'e,  'D'yer  think  I'm  goin'  ? 
Not  me.     No  bally  fear. 
Now  then,  wot  'ave  yer  ordered  ? ' 


so     ^be  ILlttle  mipper  an'  'is  Osa. 

Sez  I,  '  Two  'arf  an'  'arf. ' 
Sez  'e,  *  Ain't  mother  in  it  ? ' 
An'  yer  should  o'  'eard  'im  larf." 


XTommij's  Xast  fjours,  or  Ibis  1RepIi5 
to  tbe  prison  Cbaplain, 

"  'P'ELL  us  all  about  Tommy," 
Me  donah  Sally  she  said. 

"  It*s  orful  ter  think  of  it,  ain't  it, 
Now  poor  old  Tommy  is  dead  ?** 

"  Yus,  Sally,  it  is  kind  o*  sadlike, 

But  'is  ludship  couldn't  do  naught 

Than  say  that  Tommy  were  guilty, 

Seein'  as  'ow  'e  were  caught 

Arunnin'  away  from  the  public, 

'Is  togs  all  covered  with  blood, 

An'  a  knife  concealed  in  'is  pocket, 

Though 'e  did  say, '  Not  guilty,  me  lud.'" 
31 


32  Comma's  Xast  Ijourg. 

"  Say,  'Enery,  didn't  I  'ear  yer 
Tell  as  'ow  you  were  by 
Poor  old  Tommy  this  mawrnin*  ? 
Oh,  *Enery,  I  feels  like   a  cry." 

"  Cheer  up  'ere,  Sally,  me  darlin' , 
It  ain't  me  as  wot  was  strung  up 
Dry  yer  peepers,  Sally,  and  listen, 
An'  I'll  tell  yer  'ow  Tom  'e  done  up 
The  parson  as  come  ter  the  prisun 
Ter  pray,  fer  ter  save  Tommy's  soul, 
An'  ter  lead  'im  up  ter  the  gallers, 
An'  ter  plice  'im,  w'en  dead,  in  'is  ole. 

"  Well,  Tommy  were  sittin'  agizin' 
Around  'im  in  dull-like  dispair; 
'Is  peepers  were  bloody  an'  starin', 
An'  'e  kep'  apullin'  'is  'air. 
I  standin'  alone  there  beside  'im, 
A-tryin'  to  comfort  an'  cheer, 


XTommB's  Xa0t  tours.  33' 

But  no  bally  word  did  'e  give  me 

"  'Cept,  *  'Enery,  fetch  me  some  beer/  " 

"  This  were  all  'e  said,  till  the  parson 
Come  in  an*  said,  *  My  good  man,* 
Which  ups  Tom,  who  'ated  sich  codgers. 
An'  *e  swore  as  on*y  'e  can. 
But  *is  Chaplains  took  it  all  calm-like. 
An'  down  *e  plumped  on  'is  knee, 
An'  begun  ter  pray  fer  poor  Tommas, 
That  'is  larst  'ours  peaceful  might  be." 

"  Well,  Tommy  'e  stood  it  a  minute. 
An'  said,  "Ere,  'ang  it,  old  chap, 
I  warnts  the  larst  'ours  by  me  lonesome. 
Before  they  tries  on  the  black  cap.' 
Again  Tommy  sat  by  'is  tible, 
A  'oldin'  'is  'ands  ter  'is  *ead, 


34  ^omrng's  Xast  "fcours. 

An'  the  parson  'e  kep'  on  a-prayin', 
W*ile  I  sat  down  on  the  bed." 

"  Wen  asudding  I  see  Tommy  standin' 
Aglarin'  around  an'  around, 
An'  'is  glarnce  it  lit  on  'is  Nightshirts 
As  'e  knelt  there  on  the  ground. 
Then  Tommy  'e  yells  somethin'  orful, 
An'  calls  the  poor  parson  sich  nimes, 
An'  the  air  turned  as  blue  as  the  'eavins, 
Wot  with  blankety  blanks  an'  Gorblimes. 

"  "Ere,  w'oo,  strike  me  purple,  are  you,  sir, 
An'  wot  is  yer  doin'  of  'ere  ? ' 
'  I'm  the  servant  of  Gawd,  my  good  fel- 
low, 
I  pray,  an'  you  need  *ave  no  fear.' 
'Give  over,'  yells  blasphemous  Tommy, 
^  I  wants  no  menials  round  'ere. 


Q^ommg's  Xast  Ijours.  35 

I  don't  want  yer  gab  an'  yer  prayers, 
An'  moreover  I  ain't  got  no  fear. 
So  gam,  give  over,'  yells  Tommy. 
*  You've  'eard  tell  of  a  higher  power, 
You  know  w'ora  I  mean — it's  yer  Guv'ner 
Worn  I'm  goin'  to  meet  in  an  'our.' " 


XLbc  flipper  an'  tbe  Uwo  tXorts, 

"'pRE,  guv'ner/'  said  the  nipper, 
W'en  'e  come  'ome  larst  night, 
"  I  met  two  torfs  this  arternoon 

A-spoilin'  fer  a  fight. 

*  We'll  give  yer  'arf  a  thick  'un/ 

The  torfs  ter  me  they  said, 

*  If  you  will  tike  a  piece  o'  mud 
An'  'it  that  copper's  'ead.'  " 

"  *  Righto,'  says  I,  '  I'll  go  yer  one  ; 
Out  with  the  splosh,'  sez  I. 

*  Yer  see  that  peeler  standin'  there  ? 

See  me  'it  'im  in  the  heye/ 
36 


Zhe  flipper  an*  tbc  ^wo  tlorfa.      37 

So  ups  I  with  a  bit  o*  mud 
An'  'its  that  cop  a  ripper 
Right  in  the  bloomin'  peepers — 
'Twas  a  fair  one  fer  a  nipper/* 

*'  'Twas  worth  a  'arf  a  thick  'un 
Ter  see  that  bobby  jump. 
'E  clapped  *is  *and  up  ter  'is  brow 
An'  got  the  bloomin'  'ump  ; 
Fer  strike  me  crimson  if  e't  didn't 
Nab  the  torfs  an*  me 
An'  runs  us  strite  ter  Bow  Street  ! 
Lorlumme,  wot  a  spree  ! 

"  Then  the  bloke  as  writes  the  nimes  down 
Arsked  one  o*  the  torfs  fer  'is  un. 
Said  'e,  *  Yer'll  'ave  ter  give  it, 
Or  else  yer'll  go  ter  prisun.' 
That  ups  the  torf,  who  arnswers, 
*  Lord  Russell  is  me  nime.' 


3S      ZTbe  Iftfpper  an*  tbe  ^wo  Corfe. 

*  Lor  strike  me  pink/  the  bloke  sez, 

*  'Ere's  a  pretty  gime  ! ' " 

"  Then  *e  turns  an'  arsks  the  Hother, 
'  Wot  may  your  nime  be  ?' 

*  I'm  'is  Grice  the  Duke  o'  Norfolk,' 
The  torf  ter  'im  says  'e. 

Well,  that  there  fairly  knockea  'im 
As  'e  writ  it  in  'is  book. 
'E  were  silent  'arf  a  minute, 
'E  seemed  afeared  ter  look," 

"  Then  'e  turns  an*  sez,  *  'Ere,  youngster, 
Wot's  yer  bloomin'  nime  ? 
Don't  give  me  any  spoofin', 
Or  put  up  any  gime.' 

*  Righto,'  says  I,  outspoken, 

'  I'm  not  roundin'  on  me  pals, 
Fer  I'm  Sir  Billiam  'Arcourt, 
An'  a  terror  with  the  gals.' " 


Xa  Xofe  ifuller* 

"  gAY,  Bill,  'ave  yer  seen  Loie  Fuller?" 
Said  'Enery  'Awkins,  M.P., 

Ter  'is  pal  Billiam  Buffles,  Esquire, 

O'  Whitechapel  Road,  E.  C. 
"  Tell  yer  wot,  she's  a  terror  at  darncin'; 

Maikes  yer  'air  curl  up  with  delight. 

Sends  the  blood  rushin'  through  yer  hull 
systim, 

As  yer  gaize  on  *er  togged  out  in  w'ite." 

"  Naw,  I  'aven't,"  says  Buffles,  Esquire, 

"  I  never  goes  ter  the  play; 

An'  wot's  more,  I  likes  Flossy's  darncin', 
39 


40  Xa  Xofe  fuller. 

Wot  I  could  watch  the  hull  day." 
"  Gam  with  yer  gab,"  then  cries  'Awkins, 
"  Yer  dunno  yer  own  bloomin'  min' 
W*y,  tork  about  hingels  in  *eavin, 
Their  darncin'  ain't  nigh  so  sublime 
As  the  steps  as  wot  Loie  Fuller 
Does  at  the  *A11  on  the  staige. 
If  yer  like  I'll  tell  yer  about  'er, 
Fer  blow  me  if  she  ain't  the  raige." 

"  She  fust  comes  on  togged  out  in  fiimses 
O'  black,  'er  'air  all  a-curl, 
An'  she  glides'  cross  the  staige  all  a-blazin*, 
Wich  sets  yer  brain  in  a  whurl; 
An'  then  with  the  crimson  an'  yeller, 
The  blue  an'  the  green  an'  w'ite, 
Yer'ld  think  as  'ow  it  were  magic 
As  yer  see  the  staige  dark,  then  light. 
*  La  Fervelent '  is  wot  she  calls  it. 


'  Xa  Xole  fuller.  41 

Wot  means  the  moon  and  the  sun, 
The  stars  an*  the  hull  bloomin*  'eavin  » 
Altergether  jobbed  up  inter  one." 

"  Then  she  *as  wot  gives  yer  the  shudders, 
An*  put  yer  'and  ter  yer  eyes 
Fer  fear  yer'ld  see  'er  a-blazin' 
In  flames  which  gives  yer  surprise. 
Lor'  lumme,  Bill,  did  I  ever 
See  hanythink  like  it  afore  I 
I  gives  it  yer  streight,  it's  a  terrer, 
I'm  agoin'  ter  see  it  onct  more. 
The  flames  is  green  and  then  crimson, 
Then  they  chinges  ter  every  'ue, 
Jist  like  a  'ouse  all  afire, 
An'  yer  claps  till  yer  'ands  is  all  blue." 

**  An'  'er  larst  one,  no  doubt  about  it. 
Is  a  knockout,  a  fair  bloomin*  treat; 
She  calls  it  the  *  Toolip '  or  *  Lily.* 


42  la  Xofe  fuller. 

1*11  tell  yer  it's  'ard  fer  ter  beat. 

When   she   darnces   it,  twelve   bloomin* 

mirrers 
Are  exposed  ter  the  view  o'  the  'ouse, 
An'  the  music  plays  softly  and  gently; 
We  blokes  is  as  still  as  a  mouse. 
She  runs  round  the  staige  like  aphantim, 
'Erself  in  the  mirrers  yer  see, 
Which  maikes  it  seem  as  if  fifty 
Were  trying  ter  copy  *  Loie.* 
Now  farster  she  runs  and  farster, 
'Er  dress  all  sailin'  around, 
An'  the  lights  is  givin'  their  colers 
From  the  sides,  the  top,  and  the  ground. 
Then  asudding  she  stops  in  the  centre, 
An'  waives  'er  arms  in  the  air. 
An'  white  lights  blaize  all  around  'er — 
It's  a  straight  old  knockout  fer  fair. 
Then  she  spins  and  then  spins  all  a-fiashin' 


Xa  Xoie  fuller.  43 

In  the  lights,  which  maikes  *er  appear 

Fust  like  an  hangel  from  'eavin, 

With  fifty  more  in  the  rear, 

Then  like  a  butiful  flower 

As  couldn't  be  found  down  our  way. 

But  the  rub  is,  it  larsts  but  a  minute. 

Instead  of  all  night  and  all  day," 

"  'Ere/Enery,"  says  Buffles,  Esquire, 
"I'll  go,  if  wot's  yer*ve  said's  true; 

An'  wot's  more,  I'll  pay  fer  yer  ticket. 

We'll  taike  Liza  and  Floss  along  too." 
"  Right  yer  are,"  says  'Enery  'Awkins, 
"  I'm  glad  ter  see  as  yer've  sense. 

We  go  every  night,  that  she's  darncin' 

An'  'ang  it  all,  blow  the  expense  ! " 


XTbe  latpper's  Spoof, 

"  gALLY,  I  fears  that  Vs  goin^ 

I  sees  a  queer  look  in  ^is  eyes, 
Oh,  Sally,  see  *im  there  pantin'. 
An'  the  red  spot  wot  on  'is  cheeks  lies  ! 
Oh,  Sally,  wot  shall  we  be  doin' 
Without  our  nipper  around, 
Wen  we've  laid  'im  out  in  'is  corfin. 
An'  put  'im  down  in  the  ground  ? " 

"  Don't  tork  like  that,  'Enery  darlin', 

Me  'eart  is  bally  near  bust; 

I  carnt  bear  ter  see  'im  there  diein', 
44 


(Tbe  flipper'g  Spoof.  45 

I  wish  that  I  might  go  fust. 
Fer  ter  think  that  we  carnt  do  nofin' 
But  watch  our  little  kid  go — 
Jt*s  orful,  'Enery,  so  'elp  me  !  " 
An*  Sal*s  tears  begun  fer  ter  flow." 

Sal's  anguish  were  orful  ter  witness  ; 
She  yelled  'an  she  tore  at  'er  'air, 
An'  'Enery  sat  watch  in'  the  nipper 
An'  rockin'  about  in  dispair. 

At  larst  the  nipper  'e  opened 

'Is  eyes  an*  look  all  around 

An'  said,  "  'Ere,  guv'ner,  old  pally, 

I'll  soon  be  laid  in  the  ground. 

Jist  tike  good  care  of  yer  Sally  , 

Be  kind  ;  she's  me  mother,  yer  know. 

An,'  mother,  be  good  ter  the  guv'ner, 

Fer  yer  see  I've  got  fer  ter  go." 


46  XLbc  flipper's  Spoot. 

"  Oh,  dontcher  tork  like  that,  Jacky," 
Sally,  a-blubbin',  she  said  ; 

"  Yer  ain't  goin'  ter  leave  us  just  yet,  dear." 
An*  she  went  and  knelt  down  by  the  bed, 
An'  took  the  kid's  thin  'and  an'  pressed 

it, 
An'  kissed  the  poor  nipper's  red  fice  ; 
An'  'Enery  'e  jist  stood  a-watchin'. 
An'  never  moved  from  'is  plice. 


"  Good-by  ;  I'm  agoin',  I  knows  it. 
Kiss  me,  guv'ner,  quick  now,  old  pal. 
An'  you  too,  mover  ;  'ere,  'urry, 
I  feels  meself  goin,'  old  gal." 
An'  strong-'earted  'Enery  'e  kissed  'im, 
An'  Sal  she  fell  ter  the  ground  ; 
Fer  they  thought  the  nipper'd   stopped 

torkin' 
Till  the  world  'ad  ceased  goin'  around. 


Zbe  "Wtpper's  Spoof.  47 

They  was  weepin'  their  heyes  out  in  an- 
guish, 
Sal  jolly  near  went  in  a  fit, 
Wen  the  nipper  'e  uped  an'  'e  'oUered, 
"  W'y,  I  ain't  nearly  dead  yit. 
'Ere,  wot  er  yer  gittin'  at,  Sally  ? 
I  were  on'y  doin'  a  spoof. 
An,'  guv'ner,  me  comps  ter  the  doctor, 
An'  jist  yer  fork  out  some  oof." 


Well,  tork  about  bein*  knocked  silly 
An'  bein'  tiken  aback  ! 
The  nipper  'e  did  'isself  proud,  sit; 
An'  'Awkins  sez,  "  Look  'ere,  young  Jack, 
If  hever  I  catches  yer  spoofin'. 
If  hever  yer  tries  on  this  gime, 
Sal  an'  me  will  disown  yer,  me  nipper, 
An'  yer'll  'ave  ter  tike  on  a  new  nime." 


48  xs^be  flipper's  Spoof. 

Well,  the  nipper  'e  soon  calmed  'em  over, 
Fer  they  was  proud  o'  their  boy, 
Fer  'e  was  their  fust  an'  their  on'y, 
An*  a  source  o'  care  an*  o'  joy. 
E'  were  alius  gittin'  in  pickles, 
A-comin'  'ome  'wi  some  tile 
O'  *ow  'e'd  done  up  another, 
Else  a  peeler  Vd  managed  to  rile. 


'Hwftins  In  'Mew  l^otft* 

'T'HE  following  verses  have  been  written 
by  special  request. 

They  tell  of  a  few  of  'Enery  'Awkins's 
adventures  during  his  supposed  visit  to  New 
York  after  having  left  Li  Hung  Chang, 
whom  he  had  met  in  London  and  accom- 
panied to  the  United  States.  Parts  I  and 
II  are  supposed  to  be  told  by  him  on  his 
return  to  London.  Parts  III  and  IV  are 
told  colloquially. 

The  author  begs  to  offer  his  apologies  to 

the  Honorable    Chauncey  M.  Depew  for 

the  liberty  he  has  taken  in  using  his  name 

in  these  verses. 

49 


Part  L 

'AWKINS  AT  THE  WALDORF 
AND  ON  THE  BOWERY. 


51 


"  Wotcher  me,  pals/'  said  'Enery  'Awkins, 
Ter  us  all  the  night  'e  come  back 
From  Hamericy.     There  were  that  even- 
ing 
Buffles,  an'  Morgin,  an'  Jack 
Wot's  married  to  'Enery's  sister, 
An'  Tomus  o'  Hammersmith  Road, 
An'  'Enery  w'ose  larst  nime  is  Muggins, 
An'  Bill  Foster,  nicknamed  "  The  Toad." 
We  was  all  o'  us  at  the  Blue  Dragon, 
A-drinkin'  o'  'Awkins'  good  'ealth  ; 
'E'd  jist  come  back  from  a  wisit 
Ter   New   York,  w'ere  'e'd   mide   some 
pelf. 

Blow  me,  'e  were  togged  out  dossy 

53 


4* 

54  ^awftlns  in  View  IBorh. 

A  'igh  'at,  a  stick,  an'  a  coller, 
And  gloves  mide  o'  kid,  no  darn  errer; 
'Is  tie  would  o'  mide  the  Prince 'oiler; 
An'  trotters  as  shone  like  a  mirrer, 
An'  pinched  'is  poor  bloomin'  toes, 
They   was   pinted   like   toothpicks,   yus, 

blow  me; 
An'  lor'  e'  did  'ave  sich  clothes! 

II. 

Well,  Enery  said,  "  'Ere,  now,  you  codg- 
ers, 
I'll  tell  yer  all  of  me  trip 
In  the  land  o'  the  Free  an'  the  Bowery, 
Wot  is  on'y  reached  in  a  ship. 
Yer  knows  'ow  I  went  wi'  the  Viceroy, 
Wot  is  better  known  as  Earl  Li; 
'E's  wot  they  call  on  the  Bowery 
'  A  *  Chink  '  or  a  *  'eathen  Chinee.' 


if'-'* 


•4- 


■^  'BwWns  in  flew  Korfc.  5^ 


III. 

*  Well,  I  left  'im  w'en  ^e  sailed  fer  China, 

An'  went  ter  New  York  on  me  own, 

An*  stayed  at  the  lovliest  public. 

(Yus,  Tomus,  I  were  alone.) 

Well,  this  public,  they  calls  it  the  Wal- 
dorf— 

An'  blow  me,  tork  of  yer  style  ! 

It*s  a  treat,  no  bloomin*  errer. 

(*0w  'igh  ?     Well,  nearly  a  mile.) 

But  the  food  that  they  gives  yer  !  Well, 
really, 

They  ain't  got  a  thing  fit  ter  eat 

Not  even  a  bloomin*  red  'errin'; 

An*  as  fer  pickled  pig's  feet, 

W'y,  blow  me,  they  rook  yer  a  fortune; 

An*  they  cost  me  near  *arf  a  crown.         * 


S6  ♦awhins  In  flew  l^orh. 

Fer  a  bed  they  arsks  ^arf  a  thickun, 
An'  a  tanner  each  time  yer  looks  round. 

IV. 

"  Then  wun  night  I  was  'avin*  some  supper, 
An'  a  bloke  called  Chauncey  Depew 
Come  up  an'  said,  *  'Enery  'Awkins, 
I  likes  yer,  well,  jist  a  few.' 
(  Who's  Chauncey  ?     Well,  now  yer  jist 

knocks  me. 
W'y,  'e's  wot  they  calls  *  a  real  peach ' — 
Wot  is  slang  fer  callin'  a  codger 
The  on'y  real  stone  on  the  beach.) 
Well,  Chauncey  'e  says  ter  me,  *  'Enery, 
'Ow  would  yer  like  fer  ter  go 
Along  'o  me  an'  a  codger 
Whom  I'd  like  yer  now  fer  ter  know  ? 
We'll  go  an'  run  round  the  Bowery — 
Yer've  'eard  me  speak  of  that  plice; 


♦flwWns  in  Hew  l^ocft.  57 

We'll  also  go  wisit  some  cafys 
Wot  I  tells  yer  is  orfuUy  nice.* 


V. 

"  *  I'm  with  yer,  Chauncey,  no  errer; 
Yer  does  me  proud,  me  dear  boy/ 
Then  he  knocks  me  down  to  a  codger 
Wot  mide  me  dizzy  wi'  joy; 
Fer  Chauncey  'e  said  'e  were  really 
A  bloke  wot  'ad  so  much  oof 
Wot  if  laid  out  in  fivers  would  cover 
Old  Hengland  an'  Ireland — no  spoof. 

VI. 

"  Well,  we  jumps  in  a  chise  culled  a  landy^ 
Chauncey,  this  codger,  an'  me, 
An'  started  ter  do  up  the  Bowery, 
An',  blow  me,  we  did  'ave  a  spree  ! 


S8  'awftins  In  flew  l^orh. 

Fust  we  drives  down  a  road  they  calls 

Broadway — 
Gawd  love  yer,  it  ain't  arf  as  wide 
As  a  halley  down  in  the  Boro', 
Yet  they  calls  it  '  Americy's  Pride/ 
All  along  yer  sees  blokes  arunnin* 
An*  tearin'  an*  cuttin'  about, 
Ter  try  an*  get  out  of  the  way  of 
The  trams.    'Ow  they  shout 
Ter  get  those  trams  ter  a  standstill ! 
W*y,  would  yer  believe  w'en  I  say 
That  w'en  one  stops  fer  a  minute 
It's  writ  up  in  the  paipers  next  day  ? 


VII, 

Well,  at  larst  we  got  ter  the  Bowery. 
On  the  way  there  warn't  much  ter  see 
Till  we  got  ter  aj)lice  called  Steve  Brodies 


'Bwhins  in  flew  ISocft.  59 

W*ere  we  'ad  a  drink  o'  cold  tea. 
Leastways   that's  wot  Chauncey  'e  told 

me. 
(Did  I  like  it  ?    No  bloomin'  fear. 
Fer,  blow  me,  give  me  the  *  Dragon ' 
With  yer  gin  an'  yer  pint  o'  good  beer.) 
Well,  Chauncey  'e  said  ter  me,  *  'Enery, 
Mister  Brodie  'e'  is  a  grite  chap, 
'E'll  jump  from  a  bridge  'igh  as  'eaven 
An'  on  the  way  down  tike  a  nap.' 

*  Give  over,*  says  I  ter  'is  Peachlets, 

*  Don't  give  me  none  o*  yer  spoof/ 

*  That's  right,'  answers  quickly  old  Chaun- 

cey, 

*  That's  'ow  'e  mikes  all  'is  oof.' 

VIII. 

**  Well,  boys,  yer'ld  never  o'  thought  it, 
But  then  yer  knows  it's  New  York 


6o  'Bwftins  in  flew  J^orft. 

W^ere  people  does  things  as  is  crizy, 
An'  Lor',  'ow  some  o'  them  tork  ! 

IX. 

^'  The  next  thing  we  sees  were  a  caffy. 
Yer  pays  nofin'  at  all  ter  go  in 
(They've  singin'  jist  like  at  the  Royal), 
But  Lor',  'ow  they  soaks  yer  fer  gin  ! 
But  Chauncey  'e  says,  *  Never  mind  it, 
I'm  puttin'  up  all  o'  the  dough.' 
(Wot's  dough  ?    Well,  there,  'Enery  Mug- 
gins, 
It's  oof  or  splosh,  doncher  know.) 
Soon  Chauncey  'e  says  ter  me,  *  'Enery, 
Ain't  that  a  bird  on  the  stige  ! 
Lor ,  wot  eyes,  wot  a  figger  ! 
Says  I  ter  'im,  '  Chaunce,  you'll  oblige 
If  yer'U  tell  me  wot  ever  ye're  arfter. 
1  sees  no  bird  in  the  plice.' 


♦SwWns  in  flew  13orh,  6i 

Well,  Chauncey  'e  larfed  an'  'e  arnswered. 
*  Well,  'Enery,  you  do  cut  the  ice.' 


"  Now,  boys,  yer  tork  o'  yer  lingos, 
Well,  that  wot  they  use  in  New  York 
It  beats  all  I've  'eard  in  the  Boro'. 
Blow  me,  'ow  rummy  they  tork  ! 

XI. 

"  Soon  we  leaves  the  cafife,  as  the  poet 
'E  says,  fer  fields  wot  is  new, 
Me  an'  the  millyingaire  codger 
An'  'is  Peachlets  Chauncey  Depew. 


Part  n. 
*AWKINS  IN  CHINATOWN. 


63 


"  When  we  left  the  Bowery 
We  went  through  Chinatown; 
We  met  the  grite  Chuck  Connors, 
A  bloke  o^  grite  renown. 
'E  lives  among  the  Chinee 
An'  mikes  'em  all  *is  pals; 
An'  fer  fighten*  'e's  a  terrer, 
An'  a  fav'rit  with  the  gals/* 

II. 

"  We  'ad  a  wet  called  Sam  Shu 

An'  a  mess  they  called  Chow  Dong, 

An'  met  a  bloke  called  Ski  Hi 

An'  another  called  Bing  Bong. 
65 


66  'BwFiins  m  Cbinatown. 

Yer  never  'card  sich  torkin', 
'Twere  like  a  lot  o'  geese, 
It  were  really  somethin*k  orful, 
An'  I  'ad  ter  cry  fer  peace." 

III. 

"  But  Chaunce  *e  seemed  ter  like  it; 
They  bowed  and  bowed  agin, 
An'  arsked  'im  fer  ter  jine  'em 
In  a  glass  o'  Chinese  gin. 
We  sat  down  ter  the  tible, 
They  give  us  lots^  o'  stuff; 
Our  pal  'as  'ad  the  ooftish 
At  it  on'y  mide  a  bluff." 

IV. 

"  Then  a  bloke  as  'ad  a  pigtail — 
(Wot's  a  pigtail  ?    Well,  I  never  ! 
Ain't  yer  never  'eard  o'  pigtails  ? 


•awWns  in  Cbfnatown.  67 

Sich  ignerence  !     Swelp  me  ever  ! 

W'y,  a  pigtail  is  a  lot  o*  *air 

A  'an gin'  down  yer  back; 

Some  reaches  right  down  ter  the  ground, 

An'  others  'arf  way  back.) 


"  Well,  as  I  said,  a  codger 
Got  up  and  said,  *  Dear  Chaunce, 
Won't  yer  let  us  'ave  some  torkin'. 
Or  would  yer  like  ter  dawnce  ? ' 
The«  Chaunce  'e  ups  an*  bows  a  bit. 
An'  puffs  'is  'uge  segar. 
An'  says,  *  Before  I  speechifies 
We'll  'ave  ter  'it  the  bar.' " 

VI. 

"  So  they  goes  an'  fills  the  glarsses, 
An*  Chaunce  'e  raises  *is 


68  'Swftlns  in  Cbinatown. 

An'  says,  *  Me  pals  an'  comrades, 
Let's  drink  in  this  'ere  fizz 
The  'ealth  of  'Enry  'Awkins, 
The  on'y  pebble  on  the  beach, 
An'  the  'ealth  o'  me,  the  on'y, 
The  grite  and  on'y  Peach.'  " 

VII. 

"  Sich  shoutin'  an'  'urrahin' 
Yer  ne'er  afore  did  'ear  ; 
The  Chinks  they  yelled  out,  *  Blava ! ' 
Wile  I  yells  out,  "Ear  'ear  ! ' 
An'  Chaunce  an'  t'other  codger 
They  fairly  jumps  wi'  glee 
Ter  'ear  the  grite  ovation 
O'  these  rummy  old  Chinee." 

VIII. 

"  Then  a  bloke  all  togged  in  satin 
O'  green  an'  blue  an'  red 


'Bwftlns  in  Cbfnatown.  69 

Gits  up  an'  bows  perlite  like, 
An'  then  ter  Chaunce  'e  said, 
*  Me  noble  comlade  Chauncee, 
Me  muchee  likee  you, 
Me  likee  'Enly  'Awkins, 
Yas,  belly  much  a  few.' 

IX. 

"  Then  'e  arsked  us  all  ter  jine  'im 
An'  'ave  a  little  gime — 
The  bloke  'e  called  it  Fan  Tan 
Or  some  sich  bloomin'  nime; 
But  Chaunce  'e  threw  'is  'ands  up 
An*  cried,  *  Oh,  nottee  me, 
I  playee  only  baccalat, 
Like  me  pal  the  Plince,  yer  see.' " 


Part  in. 
♦AWKINS  AN*  THE  BOWERY  GIRL. 


71 


.m 


'Enry  'Awkins  went  out  walking 
Not  so  very  long  ago, 
Before  he  left  America — 
At  least  they  tell  me  so. 

II. 

He*d  been  in  New  York  City 
About  a  week  or  two, 
And  there  really  wasn't  anything 
Left  for  'Awkins  now  to  do. 

III. 

But  one  night  he  sat  a-thinking 

And  wondering  what  to  do; 
73 


74      *BwWn0  an*  tbc  JJowerg  (5(rU 

Said  he,  "  I'll  tike  a  little  stroll 
Along  Third  Avenoo/' 

IV. 

"  Fer  I'd  like  ter  *ave  some  flirtin*. 
I  wants  ter  meet  a  gal, 
A  regler  out-an'-outer, 
Like  me  little  donah  Sal/* 

V. 

He  soon  had  reached  the  Bowery, 
When  he  spied  a  maiden  swell 
Who,  as  he  neared,  cried  out  to  him, 
"  Say,  youse  dinky  mug,  what  t*  'ell ! " 

VI. 

Poor  'Awkins  was  astonished 
To  hear  this  lingo  queer. 


'Bwftins  m*  tbc  JSowerg  (5lrl.      75 

But  he  braces  up  and  says,  "  Old  gal, 
Let's  go  an'  'ave  some  beer." 

VII. 

"  Say,  English,"  cried  the  hoyden, 
"  Does  youse  mean  it  on  de  dead, 
Or  is  youse  only  bluffin'?" 
Said  'Awkins,  "  Strike  me  red  ! " 

VIII. 

"  Strike  you  red  ?    What  yer  givin'  us  ? 
Strike  yer  nothun.     I  don't  think 
I'll  strike  youse  fer  er  ten-spot 
When  youse  blown  me  ter  er  drink." 

IX. 

She  led  the  way,  and  'Awkins 
Meekly  followed  by  her  side; 


76      'MwMne  an*  tbc  JSowers  6icl. 

I 

And    they   entered    what    she    called  a 

"cafe," 
And  she  to  the  waiter  cried, 

X. 

"  Say,  youse  mug,  come  get  a  gait, 
For  me  gentleman  fren'  and  me  i 

Ain't  got  no  time  to  monkey. 
Two  up,  me  cully,  see  7" 

XI. 

The  waiter  brought  the  beer,  and  then 
As  'Awkins  drank  he  said, 
"  Lor'  lumme,  call  this  beer  ? 
Well  there,  'ere  strike  me  dead." 

XII. 

"  What  t'  'ell ! "  the  damsel  softly  cried. 
*  Say,  don't  yer  trun  no  bluff; 


'BwRins  an'  tbe  JBowcrg  Ctrl.      77 

Dis  beer  ain't  no  mixed  ale,  see  ? 
It's  de  genuine  real  stuff." 

XIII. 

"  Lor*  luv  yer,  gal,"  then  'Awkins  cried, 
"  Yer  is  a  treat,  no  errer. 

I  luv  yer,  swelp  me  bob,  I  does  ! 

Yer  is  a  regler  terrer." 

XIV. 

"  Say,  what  youse  mean,  you  English  dude. 
Is  youse  talkin'  on  de  level  ? 
Ain't  youse  tryin'  fer  ter  pull  me  leg  ? 
Say,  youse  is  a  sassy  devel." 

XV. 

"  Yus,    on   the    straight.     Say,    wot's    yer 
nime. 
An*  wot's  yer  occupashun  ? 


78      'Bwftins  an'  tbe  JBowerg  <5ttl. 

Fer,  swelp  me,  gal,  I  likes  yer,  yas, 
An'  yer  gives  me  palpitashun." 

XVI. 

"  Me  name  is  Hatpin  Nellie,  see  ? 
I'm  the  Champeen  of  the  Bowery. 
Me  occupation  it  is  nit; 
An'  me  mother  was  a  loidy." 

XVII. 

Then  'Enry  'Awkins  to  her  said, 
"  I  am  a  coster  poet 
An'  lite  attatchy  ter  Earl  Li." 
Cried  Nellie,  "  Say,  there,  stow  it !  " 

XVIII. 

"  You  ain't  so  warm,  me  buty,  see  ? 
I  am  as  warm  as  you. 


*awftln9  an*  tbe  asowerg  (5irl.      79 

I'll  be  yer  steady,  if  youse  like, 
For  I  luves  yer  jist  a  few." 

XIX. 

But  sad,  alas  !  it  is  to  tell: 

A  great  big  burly  brute 

Arrived,  and  fired  poor  'Awkins  out 

With  the  end  of  his  hobnail  boot. 

XX. 

For  he  was  what  is  known  down  there 
As  Hatpin  Nellie's  steady. 
And  'Awkins  swore  he'd  ne'er  return, 
Not  for  thousands  of  the  ready. 


Part  IV. 
'AVKINS  AT  THE  OPERA. 


8i 


"  I  say,  *Enery  *Awkins/*  said   Chauncey 
Depew, 

One  night  while  sitting  at  dinner, 
"  Would  you  like  to  go  to  the  opera,  me  boy, 

With  me  and  a  regular  winner  ?  '* 

II. 

**  Righto,  me  dear  boy,"  *Enery  *Awkins  re- 
plied, 

"  1 11  go  yer  one,  so'elp  me  never. 

There's  nofin  I  likes  like  Opery  Grand, 

Though  I    rarely  goes,  leastways  'ardly 

ever." 

83 


84  'Swftlns  at  tbe  ©pera. 

A' 
III. 

So  they  get  in  a  chaise  that  was  waiting 

without — 
'Enery  'Awkins,  dear  Chaunce,  and  the 

Winner. 
(A  winner,  I'm  told,  is  a  damosel  fair 
Who   could  make   an   old  saint   turn   a 

sinner.) 


IV. 

They  saon  reached  the  home  of  Opera 

Grand, 
Where  they  were  then  singing  Fai/rita. 
When  'Awkins   he   saw  Madame  Melba 

he  cried, 
**  Gawd  luv  me,  I'd  like  fer  ter  meet  'er  ! " 


'SwUlns  at  tbe  ©pera.  85 

V. 

Cried  Chauncey, "  You  shall;  she's  a  great 

pal  of  mine. 
1*11  ask  her  to  join  us  here  later." 
And  *Awkins   replied,  "  Yer   rumbo,  me 

boy, 
Yer  ain't  no  bloomin*  *arf -rater." 

VI. 

Then  'Awkins  looked  round  and  inspected 

the  girls, 
Who  were  there  to  be  seen,  not  to  see, 
And  said  to  Depew,  "  O  Chauncey,  me 

pal. 
Ah  there  !  goodness  gracious  !  oh  me  ! " 

VII. 

*  Did  yer  ever  in  all  of  yer  hull  bloomin'  life 
See  in  public  gals*  frocks  cut  so  low  ? 


86  ^awftfns  at  tbe  ©pera. 

I  never  did,  I'll  give  yer  that  straight. 
Why  do  they  ?    You  ought  ter  know." 


VIII. 

"  Well,  really,  dear  *Enery,"  said  Chauncey 
Depew, 

"  Ask  me,  please,  something  more  simple. 
It  may  be  to  show  some  radiant  charm, 
A  white  snowy  neck  or  a  dimple." 


IX. 

**  Yer  don't  tell  me  so!  "  said  'Awkins,  M.P. 

"  On  the  crump  they're  barmy,  I'm  thinkin'; 

Leastways  they  'ad  togged  'emselves  out 

in  a  rush. 
Though  they  seems  ter  'ave  spent  some 
time  prinkin*." 


♦Swhfng  at  tbe  ©pcra.  87 


"  Say,  Chaunce,  who  is  that  with  a  bloomin, 

red  beard, 

An*  'air  wot  is  black  as  a  nigger's 

An'  wot  seems  ter  me  ain't  never  been 

cut? 
W'y,  if  mine  were  like  that  I'ld  'ave  jig- 
gers/' 


XI. 


That,  my  dear  boy  is  a  very  nice  chap, 

A  jolly  good  sort  of  a  fellow; 

He's  a  Senator,  fierce  with  his  tawny  lion's 
mane." 

'Awkins  muttered  aloud,  "  Strike  me  yel- 
low ! " 


88  'awftlns  at  tbe  ©pera. 

XII. 

"  Well,  yas,"  added  'Awkins,  "  'e  do  strike 

me  so 
"  An'  ain't  'e  a  rather  'igh  liver  ?" 
"  I     don't    know  about   that,"    answered 

Chauncey  Depew, 
"  But  he  is  a  great  dinner-giver." 

XIII." 

"  An'  w'o  is  the  chap  wot  is  standin'  up  there 
Like  a  monick  of  all  he  surways  ? " 

"  That "  said  Depew  is  "  Please-look-at-me- 
do! 
Whom  no  one  is  able  to  phaze." 

XIV. 

"  W'o  is  that  bloke  with  a  crutch  an'  one 

leg, 
"  Wot  is  'obblin'  down  the  right  aisle  ?" 


'awWns  at  tbc  ©pera.  89 

**That,  my  dear  boy,  is  a  warrior  brave, 
A  terrible  man,  sir,  to  rile." 

XV. 

**  An'  *ow  did  'e  lose  'is  poor  bloomin'  leg }" 
"  At  Gettysburg,"  was  the  reply; 
**  And  in  taking  it  ofif  he  chewed  at  his  weed 
And  only  gave  vent  to  a  sigh." 

XVI. 

**  An'  w'o  is  that  bloke   wot  looks  like  a 
duke, 
Or  else  like  a  noble  'ussar  ? 
'E  looks  as  if  'e  an  army  might  lead, 
Even  stampede  a  hull  church  bazar." 

XVII. 

*'  He,  my  dear  sir,  is  known  the  world  o'er 
And    you  tell   me  you   don't   know  his 
name. 


9°  'BwRfns  at  tbe  ®pcra. 

He  is  the  Grand  Marshal  of  every  parade, 
And  is  ever  increasing  his  fame/* 

XVIII. 

And  so  he  went  on,  did  'Awkins,  M.P., 
With  questions  and  questions  galore. 
Till  Chauncey  cried,  "  Halt,  O  'Enery,  do, 
My  throat  is  gettin'  quite  sore." 

XIX. 

"  Wot,  Chauncey,  me  peach,  does  I  'ear  yer 
correct,  , 
Does  I  'ear  yer  rightly,  me  boy — 
That  yer  tired  o'  'earin'yer  own  little  voice. 
Wot  is  every  one's  pleasure  an'  joy  ? " 

XX. 

"Yes,  really  I'm  tired,  and  I  beg   to  say 
here 
It  is  a  remarkable  fact, 


'awftlns  at  tbe  ©pera.  9^ 

That  some  people  say  that  my  jokes  are 

moss-grown 
And  that  *  I  am  losin*  my  tact." 


XXI. 

"  Oh  no,  it's  not  true/*  answered  *Awkins, 

M.P. 
"  You're  the  idol  of  every  child, 

Ter  say  nofin'of  womin  an'  also  the  men; 

Yera  Peach,  an'  that's  drawin'  it  mild." 

XXII. 

Just  then  there  arose  a  wondrous  cheer, 
Like  the  roar  of  the  waves  on  the  beach; 
For  the  people  had  seen  for  the  first  time 

that  night 
The  Honorable  Doctor  de  Peach. 


92  'Bwftind  at  tbe  ©pera. 

XXIII. 

And  as  the  cheers  ceased,  'Enery  'Awkins 

he  said, 
"  Yer  see,  me  dear  boy,  I  were  right; 
They   luvs   yer   all   still,  I   gives   it  yer 

straight, 
Yer  are  a  bit  of  all  right." 


Arf  an'  *arf,  half  beer  and  half  porter. 

'Arf  a  thickun,  half  a  sovereign  (about  $2.50). 

Barmy  on  the  crump,  a  little  crazy;  queer. 

Bloke,  a  person. 

Bloomin'  'ump,  to  get  sulky. 

Blubbin" ,  crying. 

Boko,  nose. 

Cagy,  sly,  artful. 

Chuck,  the,  to  throw  out,  expel. 

Codger,  a  fellow. 

Cor  fin,  coffin. 

Donah,  a  sweetheart. 

Downed,  to  be,  to  be  disappointed. 

Fivers,  five-pound  notes. 

Flimses,  laces,  loose  flowing  gowns,  etc. 

Garn,  go  on. 

Hull,  whole. 

Knock  'em,  astonished  them. 

Jobbed  up  into  one,  all  mixed  together. 

Lor  lumme,  the  Lord  love  me. 

Lingo,  language. 

Moke,  donkey. 

93 


94  IDocabularg. 

Nipper,  a  small  boy. 

Ooftish,  money. 

Peepers,  eyes.  ' 

Peacocks  Li,  His  Excellency  Li  Hung  Chang. 

Peeler,  a  policeman. 

Public,  a  saloon. 

Rooks  yer  fer gin,  charge  you  for  a  glass  of  gin. 

Rummy,  queer,  odd. 

Rumbo,  you're,  you're  a  good  sort  of  a  fellow  ; 

you  are  all  right. 
Soaks  yer  fer  gin,  charge  you,  etc. 
Spoof,  a  bluff,  a  trick. 
Splosh,  money. 

Torf,  a  swell,  dude. 

Twofer,  two  cigars  for  a  penny  (two  cents). 

Trotters,  boots. 

Tanner,  sixpence  (about  I2  cents). 

The    Royal,  a    music-hall   in   the   east  end  of 
London. 

Wet,  a  drink. 


vV 


m 


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